Moments
by BiteTheNextLeft
Summary: Two scenes between Sam and Castiel in the episode "First Born" in season 9. Slight spoilers for the episode, I might add. SAMSTIEL.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is taken from the episode "First Born" in season 9. I followed the lines closely, but everything else is a head canon interpretation of the scene, of course! After seeing this scene, and another specific one from later in the episode (which I might write about a little later as well) kind of made me ship Samstiel. I still aggressively ship Destiel, but when the feels get to you... Sometimes, there's just nothing you can do. So... Here you go! Enjoy! **

Cautiousness, at this point, is paramount, but it seems absolutely useless. No matter how slowly Castiel tries to remove the unwelcome grace from Sam left behind by Gadriel, the Winchester still chokes down fits of pain, fighting to remain conscious until the procedure is finished. The blood from Sam's nose gathering along his cheek and jaw creates a sinking feeling within the angel at having to cause such pain for a spell that may not even be successful. Castiel tears his eyes from Sam, needing something else to focus on before he continues to try and remove the grace.

A familiar item on the table nearby catches his attention: the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The taste of a thousand molecules swimming around in his mouth had done him no pleasure when he took a bite of it earlier. He had been slightly disappointed that since he was no longer human, he couldn't enjoy it. But seeing the simple food item brought a small grin to his lips despite the heaviness of his heart. He looks to Sam before murmuring, "Hold on. This may pinch." He drags the long needle from Sam's neck and the hunter blanches with the extreme discomfort.

"Cas, what the hell-?" With his rugged and broken voice, Sam begins to sit up when he is forced down with two fingers to his forehead. He gasps at the sensation, but feels energy and wellness rush to him all at once. Flinging himself into a sitting position when the force dissipates, he feels about his face and neck.

"Cas, what the hell was that?" the hunter barks.

"I've healed your wounds completely."

"And the grace?" Sam's eyes are large with nervous anticipation.

"Well, whatever grace was inside you is gone now. What's left of Gadriel is in here." Cas carefully places the needle with the grace into a box marked with a sigil. "We'll just have to try the spell with what we have." Cas feels the mood of the room darken almost immediately with Sam's disappointment.

"Damn it," the hunter whispers.

"Sam," Castiel begins, "I want Gadriel to pay as much as you do. But _nothing_ is worth losing you," he adds more forcefully. Sam glances up at him almost curiously, his eyes darting once more to the floor before they find their way back up. "Being human, didn't just change my view of food," Castiel continues before his eyes melt into a shape that Sam doesn't remember receiving from the angel before. "It changed my view of you."

Sam's eyebrows quirk with definite confusion and an uninvited breath escapes from his chest. His eyes wander again for the tiniest of moments, but anticipation quickly drags them back to focus on the stunning angel in front of him. "I mean… I can _relate_ now, to how you feel."

"What are you talking about?" Sam asks. Cas opens his mouth and takes a breath before continuing. He steps closer.

"The only person who has… screwed things up more consistently than _you… _Is me_." _Sam's face quickly goes through a variety of emotions as he tries to think of what to say. But Castiel keeps explaining. "Now, I know what that guilt feels like." Sam still struggles with words as the angel speaks, but nothing comes out. "And I know… I know what it means to be sorry, Sam." Hearing his name said so sincerely suddenly drags him out of his own nervous and clustered thoughts, but his eyes stay on the floor. "I _am_ sorry." His eyes come back up, and he looks at Cas.

"I know," he says softly. They share a look together before Cas breaks the eye contact for a moment.

"You know, old me…" he shrugs noncommittally. "I would've just kept going. I would've jammed that needle in deeper until you died, because the ends always justified the means." Sam swallows. "But what I went through…" Castiel pauses as he struggles to find the words. But he just grins to himself instead; A beautiful little smile that Sam still isn't quite used to seeing. "Well, that PB&J," he smiles again, "taught me that angels can change. So…" Cas turns to pick up the box containing the needle. "Who knows. Maybe Winchesters can too."

Castiel turns to leave, and the hunter's eyes follow his retreating form. Sam's heart feels very full, and he isn't quite sure what to do about it.

**A/N: Should I make a chapter two with the other scene? Definitely thinking about it.**


	2. Chapter 2

Sam empties the last of the ingredients into the bowl before Castiel adds in the grace. Expectantly, Sam watches the bubbling substance, but it only fizzes around for a few moments before dying down and away. Castiel sighs.

"Was that… Was that it?" Sam asks as he looks to Castiel, slight pangs of disappointment already penetrating his features.

"I'm afraid there wasn't enough grace," Castiel responds. Sam exhales and turns away. "We'll have to find Gadriel another way. I'm sorry, Sam." Castiel stares into the side of Sam's face, watching him stubbornly gaze at the countertop. But the angel observes the hunters face soften after a moment.

"Sorry Cas… you were, uhm," he clears his throat. "You were right. You were right about everything," he says as he shakes his head. After a small pause, he finds Castiel's eyes again. The whole situation brushes against some distant and hidden chord inside of the hunter that has never been touched before. The effect soon creates a small spark- an unexpected flicker demanding immediate action that fills him with a sudden desire to be courageous and intentional. Sam drums the table absently before stepping forward and determinedly wrapping himself around the angel. He doesn't know exactly what to expect from his bold action, but he holds fast and remains chained to Castiel like a stone.

Sam pats Cas' shoulders, but flounders slightly when the angel still does nothing. But he carefully remembers that many human actions were basically foreign to the nonhuman.

"Now's the part where you hug back," he reminds the seemingly dumbfounded Castiel.

"Oh. Right. Um, sorry," Sam can hear a slight smile in the angel's voice. He feels Castiel's arms begin to rise awkwardly.

"There ya go," Sam chuckles as Castiel pats his back softly and somewhat disjointedly. Sam holds him for just awhile longer before releasing him. But even then, he reaches up to clap the angel's cheek affectionately, wishing afterwards that it could've been a more intimate gesture. Life suddenly becomes fiery-colored to the hunter with the aftertaste of the simple but tender chain of events. It seems he has been walking through fire for ages with this angel around. Why did he not know it?

"As far as I'm concerned, Metatron is the key to fixing everything that's wrong," Castiel says, catching Sam's eyes and holding them there. "I'm gonna find him." the angel adds resolutely with a flicker of a grin. He lays his hand warmly on Sam's shoulder, and the heat sinks past the hunter's skin and strikes the deepest part of him once more. Sam lets his eyes flicker about, unsure where to let them lie for fear that his heart would betray him. Castiel turns to leave again, but stops when he's a distance away.

"Y'know Sam, we could use all the help we could get to find Gadriel and Metatron." Sam's eyes flicker up at the angel, and he nods quickly.

"We got this," he says, his voice sounding confident. Castiel turns to leave, and Sam's eyes only move away from the door once the angel has disappeared through it.


End file.
